EDIT: This is a formerly unpublished post that I wrote back in 2017, the year I would meet my now husband. We all have a journey and a story. This is part of mine. I hope it encourages you to embrace yours and keep moving forward.
Some of us fall for the wrong guy EVERY SINGLE time. It's annoying at best, heartbreaking at worst. We all have a different "wrong guy" too.
Some of us always go for the player. We see it coming from a mile away, he keeps us low profile, acts like our BFF when we're one-on-one but in a crowd, we're just someone he kinda knows. We know he is playing us but for some reason, we're convinced we'll be that girl that entices him into a committed relationship.
Some of us always go for the bad boy. What players hide, bad boys flaunt. Seven "girl friends" - he flaunts them. Drugs - he advertises it. Parties - he attends them all. Rebel - he redefines the term. We know it's all wrong but dang, he sure makes life feel exciting. Somehow his free and easy style makes us think that a new life is right around the corner just waiting for us to embrace it.
Some of us always go for the "almost good enough" guy. It's as if we're addicted to perfection with one glaring fault. We don't care what the flaw is but we can guarantee it will be destructive. Possessive, clingy, needy, immature, rebellious, violent, it might be any one of these or something different altogether. Regardless, it will destroy him or us or both.
We know who our wrong guy is but we don't know how to stop falling for him. We feel helpless like a hamster stuck on a wheel that won't stop spinning. How do we put a stop to the insanity?
1) Identify your wrong guy. When we read through that list above we all nodded a little bit and that one we know we fall for. Call yourself out. Say it out loud. Ask a trusted friend to hold you accountable. The thing is, we can't call a timeout on ourselves unless we know what we're calling a timeout on. Identification is the first key to jumping off the wheel of insanity.
2) Believe the truth about yourself. A lot of times, we go for the wrong guy because we are believing a lie. - we don't deserve better. This is the only type of man we're capable of attracting. This is our only chance at romance. We have to have SOMEONE in order to be happy in life and he's a someone - lies cause us to compromise, truth causes us to grow. The truth is that you are worth standards. You are stronger than your "natural inclination" to go for the wrong guy. You can lead your heart. Your happiness in life is not dependent on a "someone".
3) Create boundaries. Don't even start that conversation with your wrong guy. Don't let that wrong guy have any part of your body or emotions. Create boundaries and then be bold enough and brave enough to believe in them and live by them.
This might be one of the hardest things you will ever do. I would be a hypocrite if I said this was easy for me or that I've even begun to implement it all in my own life. Despite how wrong the wrong guy is somehow he still gives us a sense of belonging and value. It's scary to deny ourselves that present pleasure in exchange for a better life in the long run. It's often the scary things in life, however, that are the very things worth doing. If you're still in doubt, remember this; the good things in life come from God (James 1:17) be brave enough to walk into what is good and leave behind what is not.
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