It started when I was young, this belief that boys weren't trustworthy. I was maybe four or five when I was mistreated by a boy and I knew it. Something in my little heart told me that this was very wrong and I was right. Fast forward through the years and my heart got crushed as boys proved over and over again that they weren't trustworthy. I learned about pornography, desertion, betrayal, infidelity, and that was before the big news stories about molestation and rape. By the time I was an adult, I knew I didn't trust boys. It wasn't just a subconscious reaction; it was a voiced reality.
"I don't trust guys . . . . I have been hurt by
guys," I told him. "I don't ever want to hurt you like they hurt
you," he said it with sincerity and I believed him. I believed him and
that was my choice.
Dear Girl, whose heart flinches like a frightened
child every time your man does something that makes you question your trust in
him, the choice is yours. Maybe you've forgotten that, maybe you never knew it. Maybe you were like me and you didn't even know trusting was a choice but it is. I didn't have to trust those boys and I know that now.
Our hearts don't
usually break over people we weren't sure we could trust
they usually break
over people we thought we could.
Trusting is my choice and I'd rather give my trust too
generously than live believing it can be taken and broken. If I know I gave poorly
this time then maybe I can grow and give better next time. See Dear Girl, it's
about ownership, owning our mistakes, owning what rightly belongs to us. I want to learn to not leave my trust out on
the table like a cheap trinket but to keep it safe, give it wisely, and choose
to be braver than the people who mistreated my gift. Dear Girl, trust in God
who is greater than your last heartbreak, stronger than your past resolutions,
and more loving than your own fierce heart.
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